I've decided to relate some life lessons on this blog. Something a little different. I've just started thinking that many hockey rules, or at least their names, can be applied in real life. These are mostly my interpretations of things, so keep that in mind. I bearly know what I'm talking about when it comes to the NHL Rule Book- and that contains rules written down. Life? Not so.
Anyway, I wanted to take a minute to discuss a situation that has been on my mind a lot over the past several months: interference.
It's Rule 56 in the NHL Rule Book. Essentially, you can't impede the progress of a player who doesn't have possession of the puck. So what does this have to do with life?
Well, I'll use my own life as an example. I may have lost a friend because of interference. There was a severe difference of opinion on the right course of action after someone's heartbreaking and depressing situation. One person's noble gestures started coming across not the way it was intended.
Something happened over a few weeks and it left the person low. Very very low and depressed. They weren't eating right. They didn't sleep well. There was a lot of crying. It was one of those situations where the world just seemed to completely crumble around them. A truly horrible way to see a friend. Luckily, there were still going to work. Still interacting with others. Still participating in life, even though it was very difficult and hard.
The situation was complicated because the catalyst involved one friend acting in a manner that hurt another friend, which obviously leaves the rest in the group in a truly ackward position. Now, we can't be held responsible for the actions of our friends, but I've discovered that a friend's proximity has a ripple effect (or is it affect?) on those around them. It is an unfortunate aftermath any time there is a disruption in a group.
Well, in my situation, the person was hurt and became a broken heap of a shell they once were. This just destroyed them to their very foundation. And they asked for time to recover in their own time in order to build themselves up with self-worth. They had previously put a lot of faith in their friends and the sting they obviously felt when they were (at least in their mind) betrayed by some of those friends was hard. They decided to build themselves back up without anyone from that group around.
That is a hard thing to hear. You want to be there for someone when they fall. And it is heartbreaking to think that just the thought of you could be hurtful. It is so hard to watch someone build themselves knowing they don't want your assistance. But, in this case, it seems to have been necessary. They had to build their own foundation and restart. And they asked for time to heal away from the group.
This is where the notion of interference comes in. Good intentions got in the way. Instead of being allowed the space they desired, it was decided that a nice reminder of past happiness or future good-times would be appropriate. A picture from a past vacation together. Or a "hey, thinking about you!" text ever now and again could only raise their spirits, right?
That was interference. It wasn't meant to be, but it was. That happy vacation picture? Not only did it remind them of that happy trip, but other trips. Trips that included the people that hurt them. Thinking of you texts? Same thing. Good times were seen with a heavy shadow of doubt. After all, the person that hurt them was a friend. A close friend. Someone they loved. The thought was that all those friends, close friends, loved ones were capable of creating such pain.
You may be thinking to yourself "well, they just need to get over it," and I absolutely agree with that. They do need to get over it. Life sucks sometimes. Life isn't perfect. They can't forever live in the past. True, true and true.
But how long does it take for one to get over it? That moment? A year? A few months? What's the timeline? And who decides when they can get over it?
I wish the request for space and time had been adhired to. Enough time hadn't pasted to reach out to them. They felt they needed to work on themselves significantly and not place so much of their emotions on the actions and reactions of their close friends. I am happy to know that they feel they are in a much better place after this experience, though the pain and distrust among that group are still there. They weren't given the time to deal with that emotion in their way.
It was intereference to prematurely reach out to them. They knew not everyone was guilty of past evils. They knew many wanted to support them and only had good intentions. But, in this situation, those intentions were only painful reminders of a past pain because of the proximity.
It should have been obvious that space and time was the best course of action, even though it is hard to give that to someone in pain. They initially asked for the time, then ignored those friendly texts, then blocked and erased messages until it finally culminated in a direct (and frankly very strongly worded) angry blow out. I am ashamed it got to the point of just distasteful cussing, but frankly can see why it got there. There were signs, but, I don't know, thickheadedness maybe got in the way. We can all be a bit thickheaded, espescially when trying to do the best thing for a friend.
Intereference. It's a funny thing. There are times when interfering is the absolute, without question thing to do. If a friend is drinking their problems away or not going to work or avoiding EVERYONE or actively harming themselves or going to harm others or turning to drugs or anything like that, then I strongly recommend you step in. Without question. But a time and space request away from a group whom certain members created such conflict in order to attempt to build one's self up and heal emotional damage? Maybe that should have been respected.
I would urge you not to interfere with a person taking time to build a broken heart or you might just destroy a friendship with misinterpreted good intentions. If they ask for help, help them. But if they ask for space, respect that too.
I certainly don't want anyone reading this to lose a friend because of their interference.
I hope I haven't lost a friend, though it seems that way at this moment. I don't know how long it will take them to heal and hopefully rejoin the group (at least, in some capacity). Maybe they never will. But the time to help them personally or welcome them back will come when the person that was so hurt makes the first move. Otherwise, it's just interference.
--
Okay, enough deep stuff for now. Again, those are just my thoughts on life with a little bit of hockey terms mixed in there. It may have been hard to follow, but I don't think it would be appropriate to name names or exactly say what happened. Frankly, my version of the story is through my eyes anyway, so it is probably a little skewed.
For those of you that suffered through all that, a reward:
If you like-a da ladies: here you go.
If you dig guys: this is for you.
And something we all can agree on: Sean Avery bleeding after a fight.
I'll do more of these from time to time. I may not always use my own life, but it will always be my own take. Some rules really do just lend themselves to life lessons: Offsides. Diving. Fighting. Hooking.
...I may need to reconsider donig an entry on that last one.
